Destiny***

I've loved Slumdog Millionaire since I first saw it.  Destiny has always been a "fluffy" word to me.  I've always believed in free will and my own autonomy.  As I get older though I see how life gets heavier; earlier this year while driving back from NOLA over a large body of water, the Beatles came on and I lost myself in the moment with my kindred spirit driving and me in the front seat I adopted a new mantra, "Let It Be".  Even if I have every single bit of my own autonomy I can't control someone else, and I wouldn't want to anyway.  So, let it be.  From then on, I'd retreat to that place in my mind especially when I'd get overwhelmed by what was spinning out of my control and against my desires.

Fast forward, next thing you know I'm deciding to go to Tibet, as is Sarah, and we are to leave it to "our destiny".  With my own effort, which was necessary, like getting to the Ethiad Office and investigating making travel changes, etc.  I was faced with a decision, pay the $400 to change my flight home so I can book Tibet.  If it's my destiny, how can I just let it be?  I don't fully know what I even want because Sarah can't afford to go now and that makes me less excited, but I'm here and it could be amazing.  How can I just let it be?  Flip a coin.  I ask the Ethiad guy for one because I can't find one, "Map. Go.  House.  Back Home"  Coin on my thumb, flip, catch right hand quickly place on back of my left hand then slowly pull away right hand.  Map.  Tibet.  "Ok, let's change it."  The travel agent lets me keep what is now my destiny coin, because I remind him of himself.  It comes back to faith really, destiny, that is.  It's just trusting in advance what only makes sense in reverse.
So, over the year since I've taken on my "Let It Be" mindset I have developed it more and more, and it interconnects with destiny and faith.  And in this trip it's grown to "whatever happens to me is for my ultimate good."
Here I am in Nepal... I was always coming here, I was never not and I'm going right where I am supposed to be.

ps happy birthday beth

The goodbyes

Chandra robbed us of our hugging goodbyes to the kids, I thought.  But when we returned from our last coffee most of the kids were home.  We went upstairs, retrieved our bags and came down.  Everyone came to the study room for those official goodbyes.  I think Sudip was the 4th child I hugged, Sarah was already crying,  I picked him up, hugged and held him.  Now, I can't remember who had tears first him or me, but I know once I saw his I let mine go.  He was the one I thought was the cutest at the start but he had so much energy and I wasn't sure he'd ever really bond with me, but there we both were unable to leave each other without tears. He didn't have any words I would be able to understand, and at 7, I wasn't sure what he understood about this whole situation anyway but I knew how I felt.  After, I hugged more children and I saw him towards the window, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.  It is an image I will hold onto with as much memory as I can.  Other children put their arm around him, and I really can't describe what I was feeling, that little peanut touched me in a magnificent way in a new deep place that I didn't know existed in me.
They insisted we have some tea, it was hot but I choked it down and Sarah and I made our walk to the bus with Manoj and Samjhana.

coffee with Sarah... our next 5 years

a. Where will you be in 5 years?
b. What would you like to do?

                        Cara                                                                          Sarah


study   ?    
                   History                                                                      History
                   Math/ Econ                                                                Religion
                   Psychology/ Philosophy                                            Humanity Studies
                   Cultures                                                                     Pyschology

travel   ?  
                  India          Netherlands/ Belgium                             Africa
                  Nepal         Italy                                                        America
                  Thailand    France                                                     India
                  Australia    Ireland                                                    Morocco
                  Colombia  California Zephyr  

life projections
goals   ?
                  juggle                                                                        have a baby (with or w/o partner)
                  run a marathon                                                          jump in a puddle with best clothes on
                  have a new career direction
                  become a volunteer in the US
                  learn a foreign language

Hodgepodge #2

While walking in the hustle and bustle of Kathmandu, well into our stay in Nepal, Sarah says,
  "All the stresses I use to have, just a few months ago... and now my stresses are beeping horns and not     getting what I ordered."  (July 19, 2010)

While walking in Bhaktapur and chatting, Sarah observes
"You realize everyday at least one of us says how lucky we are to be here."

That comment made me so happy, because it was true, everyday one of us was saying how lucky we felt, and we are very lucky and aware of it, and even more, appreciative of it.

"I'm afraid at the end of the week I'll be upset, having a very hard time leaving Bitisha." -Sarah
"Don't think about it too soon, you'll get your stomach in knots way before they need to be... that's how what I learned from bungy jumping.  Live in the moment"

Gchat with Matt Perry:
MP:  I just have one question for you, how have you changed on your trip?
Me:  That's a hard question...
                I feel happier.

Extracts from When Things Fall Apart :


"If I hold her hand
  She says 'Don't Touch!'                                      "There is nothing to fear from someone
 If I hold her foot                                                                                    who shouts"
  She says 'Don't Touch!'
 If I hold her waistbeads
  She pretends not to know"                   "Our clan can no longer act like one.  He
                                                           has put a knife on the things that held us together
                                                                                      and we have fallen apart."


              "Okudo sang a war song in a way that no other man could.
          He was not a fighter, but his voice turned every man into a lion."

A random funny from Sarah while talking about her uncle,
  "He's so ugly but he's very lovely"

Walk like a Penguin, Fly like a Bird

PreJump

Prejump pic with Jacob

"Walk like a penguin, Fly like a bird."
Leave your mind behind, listen to your heart.  Your mind will make you hesitate.

Our Bungy instructor was quite funny.
"Let me know if you have a heart problem, broken heart.  I don't care."

Before I left for this journey I promised friends and family I'd be the most cautious I've ever been.  The true self comes out sooner or later.  After week 2, I'm going to bungy.  I'm in the most beautiful place I've ever been and I'm about to do the scariest thing I've ever done.

I've decided a mantra is much suited for me as I do this, so..

Om fly like a bird Om

Om Let Go, Let Go 

(Frou Frou sound)  beauty in the...

I also wrote all over my journal, "If found please send to: Bethany Zick and her address" and compiled these words, in case they were my final.

I love all my friends and family, truly.  Thank you to my aunt Rosie for absolutely everything.  I just had to do this, all of it.  Don't want to choke on never take a chance.

I hope I'll laugh at these last goodbyes after I do a kick ass bungy jump.

Post Jump

one million thoughts and all I wanted to do was not think.

I was the first person to do the canyon swing.  (I flipped a coin and decided to go ahead and do bungy plus canyon swing).  Since I was the first waiting time and pressure was much lower, It was 3-2-1... and the last thought I know thinking was, "Don't not jump when you're suppose to".

The swing was amazingly fun, even on the free fall I felt my back start to recline and I internally smiled. Then, swung back and forth.  "I can't believe I'm here"

After my hike up

The hike up was fun too, all the way from the river up to a height past the bridge, even through a small village.  Four kids were kicking a bottle playing a soccer-esque game.  Then I passed a baby, a Nepali woman, a few more people.  One of which must've been an 80 year old man.  He's 80 looking years old with a cane stick climbing up and down these mountains.  I think to myself, he's most probably been doing this his whole life, always walking on inclined ground.

I thought doing the canyon jump would make the bungy easier.  Nope.  The idea of having all that angst again was a little too much at first.  Really? I'm going to make myself jump off that bridge again?  Really? But I came here to bungy so it was going to happen.  Standing by the bridge waiting, a man said to me, "Leech, leech" pointing at my foot.  I was like, "What? Where?"  But it was just the blood from when a leech had been on me.  Enter Sally, who upon seeing the blood insisted I get a wipe and clean it up, but I could not use my bandana.  She called back to Ed, who passed up some alcohol wipes.  Sally noticed my foot tattoo and she showed me her tattoo, get ready... a Phoenix!!  The phoenix has been an important symbol to me as of late so I became increasingly intrigued by Sally who looked to be close to 50.  Years ago she had been in a serious accident and she described her body as "crushed", she said she had died 3 times.  And here she was about to cross this suspension bridge with her 2 walking sticks after just spending a visit in Tibet.  Upon my tattoo referencing a bible verse she shared with me her favore bible verse from 1 John.  "Pure love drives out fear"  I appreciated the appropriateness of the driving out fear quote.  She agreed and wished me luck on my bungy and then crossed the bridge.

Finally, Group 2, my group was set to go, my wait for the bungy was substantially longer on the bridge than my wait for the Canyon Swing. If you would've asked me on the bridge, I would've said infinitely longer.  Michael got scared again too.  Sometimes up there I wanted to kick him because I was so strung out and he was making me more scared, too scared to kick him ;)  He gave encouragement too, one thing I loved, he said, "Let's make adrenaline our bitch".  Most of my time up there i was trying not to think.  The fear did not feel good, it was physical and I felt it everywhere.  It's the feeling afther that makes it though.  It's a sigh of relief from the soul, it's a release and it's felt in the chest.  When I was on the bridge I sang "You Gotta Be" to myself.  My favorite line has always been, "The world keeps spinning, can't stop it if you tried to, the best part is danger staring you in the face."

Des'ree - You Gotta Be via youtube

I learned there is a distinct variable in that, because I love danger (adventure) but absent the fear.  i hadn't experienced this kind of anxiety about anything in a very long time.  Needless to say, I made the jump, and survived.  This time my last thought before flying off the bridge was "Don't think about it, just have a nice jump." and... jump.  The immediate free fall is an OMG, what's happening.  Then the bungee back was a little harsh, and it doesn't get easy bungy jumping like it does canyon swinging with the swing in the lovely canyon, or skydiving with the open parachute over the lovely landscape.  With bungy jumping, it's work.  You're spinning in circles, and getting dizzy as the river rapids below you adding to the daze.  As they were slowly lowering me to I was thinking I may never reach that bamboo stick to bring me in, and my feet were falling asleep as I stacked them as tight as possible so my ankles didn't slip out.  

But then it's over.  

I still get weak knees whenever I think about having to do that jump again.  For me, it's not the free fall or bounce that breeds the fear, it's the jump.  Making that jump.

That's kind of life though.  Don't think too much just have a nice jump Cara.

Report Card Day

Sarah and I went with Ramesh to the school to pick up the kids results from exams.  I really enjoyed this.  It wasn't because I had the best tea ever in the principal's office while waiting for the packets of grades for 31! kids.  Waiting with Sarah in there with the other parents made me feel like those parents, and i was picking up my kids' grades, we were their persons.  I had a sense of protectiveness for them and I felt as though I was someone important in their life.
On the way home we carried a stack of yellow folders.  I peaked over Ramesh's shoulder and saw that he failed.  The he walked ahead and peaked at several other kids papers, he even lost one it the wind but luckily it didn't get dirty.  I peaked at a few kids's folders too.
When we got back the kids were very anxious, except Rohan, he was his normal self.  We gave the results to Manoj and he called kids in on what seemed to be a random basis.

The first noteworthy story is when Angina came out and had received a 93.  Kids were yelling 93!! 93!! 93!!  and her little face was priceless.  A modest smile with raised shoulders and a tilted head.  All the kids cheered and cheered, I yelled "winner, winner".

Anjana was quite funny.  I was outside and she came up and simply came to report the results to me, "I passed 3, I failed 4" smiling.  I loved it, gave her a hug and said good job on 3.

I never saw Buddhi Ram get his grades, but he must've failed at least one.  Sarah said when he told her, he had tears in his eyes.

Sudip seemed upset after he got his grades, which surprised me because I peaked at his and I thought I saw a 98.  But I think he might've failed one.  I followed him upstairs where he was looking out his window into the rice fields on the cloudy day.  Kesheba came in with me and we both sat with Sudip, silently, while he reflected.  He's a little wild man but I have definitely observed a reflective side to him as well and to see him care so much about school at his age shows me yet another side to my peanut.  I am very proud of him.

----
Miscellaneous quote:
"I met two Americans, the mother looked like a daughter and the daughter looked like a mother."
  -Mina

I'm ready to say it... it's love

Time is going by much faster now, Sarah and I leave again tomorrow already.  I'm going bungy jumping... aaaahhh! Then we'll come back and only have one week left with the kids.  Yesterday Manoj said our time was too short.  He was right really.  3 weeks doesn't seem as long as it used to, but it is surely long enough to care about people and even love them.   I have a love of some kind for nearly everyone here, but I've also extended past that for certain kids and for Sarah... and even though I can't carry on a two sentence conversation with Ganga or Samjhana I really do feel for them too.

The hardest part is the lack of connection I'm going to have with kids like Ram, Sudip, Kesheba, Bitisha and Nisha.  Who knows if they will ever have a facebook or email, and they don't have a postal address.  I care so much about them and want to see them grow up but the reality is after next Friday, this could be it.

-------- at a different time in the day

I'm sitting next to Sudip.  He's coloring small squares of paper, writing his name on them and copying the word black because that is what he saw on one.  He would be just fine and content without me right beside him, but I want to be with him.  He's so cute and focused, and I want to be near him.  I hope he can feel me because I love and I'm sitting right next to him, right now.  He's coloring and I'm writing.
The power is out again and we're the only two in the tv room.  A cloud of kids are outside playing the knockout dodgeball game.  Another bunch are in the reading/drawing room playing our makeshift version of Candyland we made earlier.   I'm so happy to be here.

Recap of the Chitwan weekend...

I forgot my journal over the weekend to Chitwan :(

Highlights

waterfall shower, check.

ride on top of a bus, check.

bathing with elephants, check.

"We saw a rhino, while on an elephant in Nepal"

Rhino

The night of the world cup final we stayed up to watch.  The power went out, per usual but we adapted quite well.  We met 3 gals from the Netherlands and a group of us took the 10 min walk to where we did the elephant bathing and watched the match on a large screen from a generator in the jungle.  I was very tired and the match was so long, with so many penalties.

The drive to Chitwan was beautiful as was the scenary for rafting...

I went on the weekend with plans of finding a trek in Pokhara to do my last days.  That changed, I've now changed my flight home and booked "7 days in Tibet".  The only hang up is I'm missing my aunt's 80th birthday.  I had scheduled my whole trip around it and then changed it once I was here.  But at the Ethiad office I flipped a coin on to go or not to go to Tibet.  Sarah and I had kind of made it this thing over our destiny to go and in the moment, by flipping a coin I felt like i was doing that.  So it will be quite exciting to see what this trip turns up to be.  The airline office guy let me keep the rupee I tossed because I reminded him of himself.  It's my destiny coin now.

In Kathmandu on the way to Ethiad office we ran into our rafting guide from the weekend, whom Sarah seemed to have a huge crush on.  It's so weird, in Nepal I came knowing no one but I'm always running into people I know now.  It's just the dynamic of the place.  On Friday when Sarah and i were going to Kathmandu from Bhaktapur for the first time we came out of the town with no real idea of our means to get to Kathmandu.  Sarah said, "What do we do?"  I replied, "Just stand here until someone helps us."  It just kind of works that way here.  So next thing you know the two of us are on a bus with no one else but the driver and his friend headed to Kathmandu for only 500 rupees.  We got dropped off in somewhere, Kathmandu and when we finally got towards our guest house, out comes 5 other IVHQ volunteers we were going to Chitwan with.  The whole weekend was really full of standing around until you get a clue and running into familiar faces.  

I also got my nose pierced, it's very Nepali.  I feel like that is something that could be a big event or just a passerby happening.  In this environment it was breakfast and just stopping by a shop.  Reminds me of my last skydiving experience.  I scheduled it like one would a manicure appointment.  I'll call and if they can fit me in i'll join was the comment I made to Casey that morning.  But then again she brought out a lot of the seize the moment in me anyway.  And here in Nepal, it's a constant seize the moment.

Everyday feels like a good day...

The batch of salty tea must be done, weeee!  Today Bishnu brought the tea in a mug without salt... life is good.

Yesterday we took the kids on a walk to the top of a "hill" for a picnic.  Hill is a relative term in Nepal.  When we went to buy goods Sarah asked Manoj how long it would take, he said, "around 3 hours, then we'll do a 2 hour rest and come back".  Hill is a relative term in Nepal.  But we ended up not going quite that long, but Sarah and I wandered around Bhaktapur for 2+ hours after getting our visitor pass to make up for it.

The littlest Angina led the way up the hill, Sudip and the other little ones also in the front.  I had my pack and the kids had some too and would alternate them about.

Early on in the walk we passed the skinniest dog I have ever seen.  Manoj pointed him out, otherwise I wouldn't have seen.   It was so sad and I had none of the supplies to give him.  He just was laying there, his ribs showing completely.  It made me feel better for the neglected pup at the orphanage... but it was still a sick feeling.  A bit later we passed another dog eating a dead chicken, raw.

For the entire walk but maybe 10 minutes I was holding hands with at least one of the kids.

Sudip is my little man now, I love that peanut.  He really could've cared less about Sarah and I being here, whereas some of the kids, especially Nisha and Bitisha just lit up because we'd walk into a room.  But I won Sudip over with a cushion fight a few days ago and yesterday after our awesome soccer game in the rain, where I had fallen all over the mud he ran out and jumped into my muddy arms after my team scored a goal.  It was so cute to see him clapping on the sidelines along with Nisha who watched most of the hour or so time we were playing.  She'd yell out, "Sister, sister very nice" and give me a thumbs up.  Samjhana, Manoj's wife, was also watching our game, but i later realized she was pretty angry with us because we were getting all muddy.  Her and Ganga eventually called off our game and she yelled something in Nepali, mostly to Manoj.  But Ganga couldn't help but laugh and she looked out from the upstairs window at the kids would just slip and fall in because of the rain and mud.  I think I smiled the whole time we were out there.

with Sudip

Everyday feels like a good day here now, I was afraid I'd just be spending the weeks mostly counting down to the weekends, but I am enjoying each day and almost each minute with the kids.  I am excited about Chitwan this weekend though.

Lights out

Tonight was great. The power went out just as we were about to watch tv after dinner. After a few minutes Manoj asked Sarah and I if we had any ideas of something to do. Sarah suggested singing. They sang us their Nepali National Anthem. Bhupin stood tall and stoic with his arms behind his back. Manoj led and every single one sang, lights out except our flashlights. It was filled with voices and culture.

After they finished they told us to sing our national anthem. At which point I couldn't thank Sarah enough for her suggestion of singing. And for whatever reason, I did. The entire Star Spangled Banner, solo. First time ever singing alone. I'm as bad as I'd thought I'd be, but I be damned if the children didn't have smiles on their faces and give me a huge round of cheers. Sarah sang a bit of Australia's national anthem, but she didn't know it all, lol. But either did they and they enjoyed her excerpt as well ;). With lights still out we had moved on to magic tricks and chatted. The whole day was good today, and Sarah and were both glad the power went out.

(foreshadow, we'd later learn that the power goes out regularly, very regularly, ha)

Ram

We just received our morning tea, I think they may have put salt instead of sugar, honest mistake.

The thing about Ram is he doesn't run up to you like the other kids, he kind of stands in the back, watches and smiles. He has the best smile. He joins in, but a lot of times he needs an invite, a little on the shy side. A lot of his characteristics remind me of me when I was younger, he has inhibitions and admittedly he's not the most coordinated or athletic one out there, but some of that may have to do with his reservations. I know though, he has a lot to him and I'm looking forward to getting to see some of it over the next few weeks.

When Sarah and I took a walk yesterday he followed deep behind, I eventually waved him up to join us and asked he wanted to stop a store and have a coke, but he said he was fine. He helped us buy some art supplies for the kids, which have been very useful.

pic with Ram (he's not showing that smile)

observations

observation: the kids love to be held.

The kids insist on taking care of Sarah and I, and they treat us so nicely. Bitisha gave me 4 pillows to sit on while watching tv. She would rather me have 4 and her have zero so I could be comfortable.

observation: they play UNO wrong
I'm going to try to teach them a new way (which is what the directions say)

At this point, just a couple days in, I already want to take a family home, including dog. I'm particularly warmed up to Bhupin, Bitisha and Ram. The dog should come too, he mostly just sleeps, doesn't get enough attention and he seems to have no interest in birds at all.

with Bhupin and Bitisha

observation: my knee is giving me troubles, ugh.

--after lunch--

The girls like to rub my legs because I shave them, and my knees because i missed a spot. They rub them and giggle at the stubble.

Ram gave me a postcard today. He is amazing. There is something special about him. He'll never know how much this postcard and gesture means to me.


Ram (look closely and see the USA pin)

What did I sign up for?

It has all become a bit more real, and now I'm here at my placement, to volunteer and I don't believe it will be easy at all. This will be a challenge but I came here to leave different than when I arrived. Before I left Kathmandu I was getting so excited about the safaris, rafting, bungee jumping to come, and I still am... but all those activities- that's just like me, this here isn't.

Sarah and I got picked up by Shiiva, "the director of the orphanage" in a Subaru taxi, and the taxi driver had a friend with him. So Sarah, Shiiva and I, including my sleeping bag, carry bag and Sarah's 2 bags of snacks all squeezed in the backseat and rode the 15km, to Bhaktapur. The roads are unpaved, so the 5 of us took a 45 min to 1 hr bumpy road, which really felt like just driving down a gravel driveway through construction and air pollution. In Nepal 5 to a car, plus luggage, isn't impressive as it's not uncommon to see families of 4 ride their mopeds along in the noisy and unregulated traffic.

When we got to the orphanage kids were peaking out the windows and one little girl ran up and grabbed one of our hands to lead us in. We removed our shoes and entered. The main room was kind of empty, no toys, or supplies, or games just some books on shelves.
the orphanage

The first challenge was the kids speak some English but I could not communicate with them and I hated that, I couldn't understand them, I couldn't even pick up their names. One kid spoke good english so I asked him what they did every day. Soccer. Then we went out to play. It was so good to play this with them. We'd been there less than 10 min, but if felt like so much longer b/c they had nothing and we couldn't talk with them. So soccer, sport was a great way for me to communicate with them. One boy was carrying around a cell phone and playing Justin Bieber's "Baby", on a break I ran and got my iphone and speakers... music was my 2

nd communication tool.
Sarah and I laughed because all the girls kept taking her hand and pulling her in the backyard and all the boys kept calling for me.

While Sarah and I were playing with some kids, there were others putting together our room. Shiiva came to get us to tell us our rooms were ready. He walked us up to our beds, which are a flat piece of wood with a lawn chair pad over and a comforter. With no fan and no power in our room we wont' need to cover up so we'll use that for more cushion. our bed

Shiiva told us to leave our bags locked in the office because this is a new building and men are working up where we are and our room doesn't have a lock. Sarah and I explored a little and the building literally doesn't have a complete roof. This is where i had a little bit of culture shock and a "what did I sign up for?" feeling.

Sarah and I played with the kids a little longer but then we needed a walk. I wanted a cold drink from playing all the soccer and Sarah who had planned to stop smoking after Kathmandu needed a cigarette, so I had one too. With coca-colas and cigarettes we took our moment. At some point during the day Sarah asked me where I was a year ago... For me, well it's the 4th of July so a year ago actually is easy to put a finger on, Cape Fear. Interesting to trace how life played out over these 365 days and now here am I.

No lock on the door was the hardest issue for me. I didn't have a key to that office so never having the access to my stuff and having it all packed up the entire trip was overwhelming to me. Most everything i have is replaceable but my cameras, phone, passport, money and all the nice things I borrowed from friends that I want to return instead of replace.

When Sarah and I were out we saw "Gina" and her father who was out buying the food for dinner and we came back with them. We hung out with the kids some, then I wanted to empty out some of my bag so we carried our bags upstairs to find our door locked! While we were out they had put a lock on our door, this made everything seem more manageable.

We had dinner then we all watched the World Cup game. Everyone was cheering for Argentina but Germany won. The kids really are great, it's amazing how well behaved they are, how caring for one another, and how little they have.

events b4 placement

After our first day of orientation we went sightseeing to Swayambhunath, the monkey temple in Kathmandu. There is a stupa with Buddha eyes painted on top of the hill, which is around a 365 stair climb. There are monkeys roaming free, I could feed them biscuits straight from my hands.
After the temple, we had a traditional Nepalese dinner, where we followed customed by removing shoes, having good luck thikkas and even eating with our hands. The food was really good and we were entertained by dancing throughout the dinner as well.


The last night the crew was all in Kathmandu before going to our placements we had a fabulous night watching the world cup, even though Brazil lost. Eduardo is from Brazil and I found myself glued to the match hoping they could score again, but even though they didn't we carried on the night with singing karaoke in the parking lot and dancing in the rain. Some of the folks from Abu Dhabi hardly get rain so it was a celebratory dance.

Stephanie, Eduardo and Kas sad after Brazil's loss...

Amid dancing in the rain ;)

Volunteer Orientation - Nepal's Culture

Nepalese society runs under a caste system and each caste is said to be created from a different part of the Hindi god Brahima, the creator. Highest to lowest caste:
Brahmin: created from the head
Chhetri: created from the shoulder
Bais: created from the stomach
Sudra: created from the feet
There are several other ethnic groups and sublets to these groups. Most Nepali marriages are arranged, but some aren't, which are called "love marriages". Wedding dresses are red. White is considered bad luck. Married women sometimes also have this reddish dust paint on their forehead hairline in representation that they are married. It's different than the red dot on the forehead, which I think is called thika, that is for good luck.
Most of the Nepali population is Hindu, so cows run freely and are sacred.
I thought I saw a place that sold beef momos (local cuisine) and that is so anti-culture and I asked the gal sitting next to me about it, she said "it's likely, not everyone follows rules and traditions". I sort of got a little angry inside like why would they screw up such an amazing culture?? But then I thought about how that was such a juxtaposition to how I feel about freedom... doesn't make sense right? go figure.

Also in Nepal there is the 'Living Goddess' which is a young girl who fits certain physical and spiritual attributes, I think it requires black hair and eyes, I'm not sure exactly the requirements. She is the goddess until she reaches her first menstruation. While the young girl is goddess she is kept inside and worshipped. She comes to the window at 4:00 daily but does not come outside. I asked Avash as he was telling me about the living goddess' if they were happy, he said yes.

"Jhuto" is a term used to say something is impure or dirty. There are several ways something can become jhuto, i.e. when something touches your mouth.

Hodgepodge #1

Q: When in life do you not know where you'll be living for the next 3 weeks Cara?
A: Well right now, I know I'll be in Nepal but Pokhara? Chitwan? Kathmandu? I don't know

Q: Do you have any worries?
A: Well not about my homestay. I am worried I have weird charges on my credit card from California.

Q: Are you happy in Nepal?
A: Yes, I'm so glad I'm here.

Yesterday was day 1 in Nepal. I walked around shopping with some of the girls after breakfast. I don't want to buy anything yet, but it's so hard.... let me explain:
See after lunch i went back out and on haggler in particular was not going to back down. He was playing this small you-ca-lay-lee looking instrument. I can not describe how much he followed me. I had less than 300 rupees (~$4USD) he was trying to get me to buy his instrument, starting at 900 rupees, following behind me my entire walk back.
At one point he seemed so dejected the group of us thought he had given up. Then a little voice calls "Ma'am Ma'am". I'm certain it's not him, but I still don't turn around... it doesn't matter. He catches up and as he does I get out my <300 rupees again to show him. At which point a small older lady walking in the opposite direction sticks out her hand for me to give her my money. I just walk on, with the haggler beside me past the lady. Then I feel her hit me with the stick she was carrying on the back of my leg. I turn around and she does the same as we both keep walking, however her walk is accompanied with an angry grumpy face.
This slight diversion had no effect on my haggler, as I now lag behind my 3 friends who are almost to turn out from the alley. He says, "Fine"... and says he'll take what i have. So as I exit the alley and round the corner the 3 ahead glance back at which point I lower my head and raise my new instrument.

After dinner, dal baht (the traditional Nepali dish of rice with dal- lentil souplike, and some veggies or potatoes) a crew of us went out for drinks. It was really nice. We all had a story of why we are here and we passed them around a bit. The people here are good to be in company with. We're all kind of like minded in some sense. Our stories of not being sure of anything and worried families back home were a dime a dozen. They're just cool people, and while we all have some basic like mindedness, we're so diverse too. In ages, nationalities, interests (except traveling and helping out).

We enjoyed our Gorkha* beers at the restaurant as we prepared to embark on our experiences. We then only hoped we could rejoin with beers around our table at Tantra at the end and share all our new Nepali stories...

*Gorkhas are known in Nepali culture for their strength and bravery, specifically against a British invasion in the early 1800's where they were heavily outnumbered but not defeated.

Being Fine

Everything worked out fine. I'm fine.
IVHQ is a real organisation, and I had a ride. Just like their email said "Don't worry, you'll be fine".

Today, I stopped several moments and just to tell myself I was in Nepal in case I wasn't soaking it in.
I do have a crushing headache though, so until tomorrow

Landed

I'm so tired even though I'm sleeping a lot. Note, I have not laid down flat since Sat night in the USA. I've been sleeping in various sitting postures.

We're on our descent and the clouds are unbelievably puffy and vertical. The one immediately outside the window looks just like Lotso Bear from Toy Story 3. It's getting dark and there is a thin red/pink line across the cloud backdrops which moves along the horizon becoming an orangeier yellow, the clouds are dark and the sky above the row of light is a night blue sky.
I see one star out there.
As we were first coming in mountain tops peaked over the clouds. It's too dark for any of that now, especially as we start sinking in the dark clouds. We still have breaks in the clouds, therefore breaks in the darkness. And now I'm thinking the darker is mountains, I'm almost sure of it. Lights below are becoming visible and the eerie clouds are now above. I'm almost wishing I arrived in daytime now, because I know so little of what to expect and an eerie night sky just makes me more nervous.
I'm going to have a lot to see when I wake up tomorrow.
We've landed, I made it here. Now for the interesting part, making sure I get picked up and taken to a place to stay with IVHQ, that my bag gets here and the police check I got for the volunteer work is sufficient enough.


Well, here goes... Welcome to Nepal

The shortest day

I lost 8 hours in time change from Chicago to Abu Dhabi. Oh well.

i saw my first desert from the plane


The airport is very nice, I'm going to spend the night here.


I'm having the best latte I've had in a very long time.

The Prologue

On Wed June 2, 2010 my company laid me off, after a series of layoffs the previous week.
On Tue June 1, 2010 my friend Sharon asked "When will your number be called?" I answered that they might let me go if this sale of the company goes through in the months to come, but I'd likely be kept on even through that transition.

Funny how things like that happen.

I was just beginning to settle back into the job and it's accompanying security that I had so many times over the past 2 years tried to leave... but in the midst of my settlement, BAM! Almost exactly halfway through the year that New Year's resolution I made to leave my job, just fulfilled. Meanwhile, I had just let my credit card get a balance (not a mild one) again and I was coming back from a weekend where I watched my Best Friend get married.
Well hello there change.

I need to make this clear. Being laid off is failure to me. It is rejection to me. As much as this all plays out and no matter how good for me this turns out to be, this is still failure, and rejection. Unfortunately, these two faces are familiar to me, I've seen them before. I think most people have internally felt these for reasons all similar to mine. My story is not so unique than others, than yours maybe, except every thread of of everything is through me and experienced in my way.
We can look at the same sunset, but we do not see it the same exact way.

So, my past tells the story that I focus on what I see as my failure and rejection, and I let them eat away at me. Not this time. I pick what matters to me and I say losing this job will not ruin me.

So there I was in the beginning of June with the most freedom I have ever known. Now here I am in a plane to Chicago where I will get on another plane to Abu Dhabi, where I will get on another plane that will take me to Nepal.



Yesterday was a day of utter normalcy, a summer 7s rugby tournament with several of my everyday people. Today is a day of chaos. I'm beginning the furtherest and longest trip of my life.

I had a group of friends hanging out with me before I left, I'm so proud of them. We played a plethora of musical instruments and it made a horrible but loving noise.


I'm a lot to handle sometimes and i take more than I give, but I have some of the best damn friends, always have... Maybe that's why other people's thoughts and feelings have always weighed heavy on me, because so much of the greatness I know is from the people I know.

Well doesn't this just lead me down all kinds of thought paths, let's take this one. I tend to be a little more extreme then the average bear sometimes, and I hate lonely. So why am I traveling solo to somewhere I've never been? ? It's one of those funny things: like having a friend ask me the day before I lose my job when it's going to happen and I basically save never. Oh irony.

If I was writing an honest personal ad in the newspaper for myself, I'm pretty sure it would go something like this:
"Dependent Soul seeking to be Independent"
The "likes" would be such a juxtaposition too.
Likes: Excitement and Comfort.
Travel and Home.
Uncertainty and Security.
Love and Freedom.
(Is everyone like that???)
It's as though I'm dependent by nature and Independent through choice and experience. As I write that though, I realise that is part of growing. Baby to adult to who you actually are. Reminds me of a quote:
"We grow neither better nor worse as wet get old but more like ourselves".

Who I am is part of who I'll always be, like the trailer for "Where the Wild Things Are" inside all of us is hope, fear, adventure, a wild thing and everyone we've ever loved and everything we ever is all a part of you. Oh the masterpiece of self...

"Life Begins at the end of your comfort zone."

-Neale Donald Walsch